You are not a tree.
My work as a coach involves an enormous amount of human interaction, which, I mostly enjoy (thank goodness). However, the work does take its emotional toll, and I find myself throughout the day, seeking moments of silence and solitude. As a result, you will often find me having coffee on my own in a cafe, or eating lunch alone while writing notes and ideas in my notebook.
Last week, I was seated at a table, next to two women, who I assume were two colleagues sharing their lunch break together. Now, I normally don’t listen to conversations people are having, but I love people watching and what I saw intrigued me so much that I put my notebook down and sat quietly to listen in on what was happening.
One of the two friends, let's call her, Rachel was sitting in a defeated slump. Shoulders drooped, head down, mindlessly stirring her coffee with an annoying ‘clink clink clink’ with her spoon. The other friend, let’s call her, Monica, was distracted by the menu at first, only offering ‘mmm’ and ‘hmmmm’ every so often.
After the two friends order lunch, Monica asks Rachel why she is so upset. Rachel lets out a big sigh and begins to vent at rapid speed and ferocity.
My boss is a nightmare.
I hate my job
The people I work with have no idea what they are doing
The people I work with have no idea the amount of pressure I am under
My deadlines are completely unrealistic
I wish I could follow my dream of being a florist
I am so disengaged
This continues for most of the time that Rachel and Monica are having lunch. Well, Monica is having lunch. Rachel is still clinking that damn spoon against her coffee mug. Without any resolution or way forward, Monica and Rachel finish up and return to the hell from whence they came (I assume it is hell, from the way Rachel was describing her demon of a boss).
It took nearly ALL of my strength not to lean over and provide some advice and guidance to Rachel (and to snatch that spoon out of her hand) - but I didn’t think that she would appreciate my nose being in her business. So, as a proxy, I now turn to you all, in the event that some of you reading this are experiencing the same hellish conditions where you work.
I have worked since I was legally able to, at 14 and 9 months - 25 years in fact. Over this time, I have held roles and jobs in which I felt EXACTLY the way Rachel did. I have had nightmare, demonic, narcissistic stakeholders, worked with crazy and aloof team members and been in jobs that were just SNOREVILLE. This by NO means makes me an authority when it comes to careers advice, BUT, I have collected experiences along the way and I think I have a few things that might help. So, if your experience is anything at all like Rachel’s, you need to sit up, listen and take action to move yourself forward. ASAP.
First of all, if you are experiencing bullying, harassment, victimisation or any other similar type of treatment, you MUST seek help and speak to someone about this. Chances are, you won’t be the only person bearing the brunt of this treatment, you aren’t the first, and unless you do something, you will not be the last. Find someone you trust and get support from the appropriate person/department in your workplace.
If the environment in which you work is as toxic as Rachel’s, you have two options (both of which require you to be completely honest and brave):
Speak up and work WITH your line manager and team to create the change you need. I’m willing to bet that Rachel has not had the conversation with her team about how she is feeling, what she is experiencing and what she needs from them in order to do her job well. In doing so, Rachel will be enabled to perform in her role and the team can deliver outcomes more effectively and efficiently. If you need some help in this department, seek out guidance from a coach or mentor to help you to have these daring conversations.
If you don’t like where you work and feel like you are totally stuck in a rut, then put together an action plan to MOVE. You are not a tree. Just because you are where you are right now, it doesn’t mean that you can’t take meaningful and decisive action to move towards where you want to be. Find a career coach, seek out a mentor, get advice from someone who is doing what you want to be doing, just take positive action NOW. You are only stuck if you choose to stay there. Chose to move. Chose to change. Chose to take control.
The main thing I want to get across to you right now is this - it is never too late to do what you want to do and to be what you want to be. Don’t be like Rachel and waste another moment, another day, another week, another year, in an environment that is making you miserable. Draw up the courage (I know you have it in you), to make the positive change that you need in your life. Find your passion and move towards it!
If this piece resonates with you, and you would like to work with me to develop an action plan to move forward, send me an email at heang.forbes@gmail.com - I would LOVE to help you move towards a brighter tomorrow!
H x